Sunday, August 10, 2008

Ninja Annihilation War (1987)

Well I just got back from doing something that no one else has ever done before, and that's attend a screening of "Ninja Annihilation War," a movie so rare that it's never been released in theaters, on video, or dvd. It doesn't even have an IMDB page.

Lars & Zack from Weird Wednesday and Terror Thursday, respectively, came across an ultra-rare 3/4" video master of the film at a Thrifty Scotsman flea market in Oxnard California. After quickly snapping it up, the two of the returned home to Austin victorious, and eventually had the video master transfered to dvd. As Lars put it tonight, "it looks like shit," but damn if it wasn't brain-melting entertainment.

The directors of the movie, the Fung Brothers, basically scraped together footage of Kung Fu/Ninja movies from the distribution company that they worked for, then they would re-edit that footage into something new and called it their own. As a result, you'd get something like "Ninja Annihilation War," a completely incoherent mess of a movie that feels more like a collection of scenes than a story. Fortunately those scenes are completely insane and filled with the largest amount of Caucasian ninjas you're likely to find in any film anywhere.

Unfortunately (or fortunately) I can't even begin to explain the plot, so instead, here are some of my favorite moments:

--Their headbands that say "Ninja" on them.

--The incredible scene in which a father berates his daughter and tell her that she can't keep seeing the boy she's dating because "he's a ninja and a trouble-maker." To which she responds, "But Daddy, I love him!"

--The cop/ninja's Garfield phone.

--Ninja names like Gordan and Rick.

--The totally awesome scene where a woman in a phone booth gets ran over by a car and not only survives by clinging to the front of the car, but fights back.

--The mustaches...holy shit...the mustaches.

--The casual cop discussion that went something like this:

Cop A: So yeah, how about all these ninjas?

Cop B: I know, it's really interesting.

All in all, a pretty incredible Sunday night.

"Ninja Annihilation War" screened at the Alamo Ritz and was presented by Lars & Zack


Anonymous said...

i actually HAD a garfield phone when i was little. my mother let me use it until it broke. it was great, but only dialed in PULSE, not tone, so it took like 5 minutes to call anyone on it.

it looked like this


Lars Nilsen said...